Long time away!

Long time away from writing. I think i needed that. As i have written in the last post i was tired.

So many things have happened since April that i dont even know if i should write about them all or not..

I've travelled, seen things, countries and different people and by doing this there's one conclusion, I might be in the wrong country. =) But time will tell more, so far i have to stay here since i have a good job which i like and i always learn.

I've lost one member of my family too young, with only 8 days of life. Terrible feeling.

I'm flying to my home country to see my beloved ones and i will spend 3 weeks (only) with them. I can't wait for that... I'm really excited for that... 

Winter has arrived and darkness too. It's so hard to find strength to do more things than work and sleep. I'm telling you, it's terrible. This weekend was pretty good though. I went out with my friends, we saw PINK's concert. It was awesome, but a bit peculiar.. 

Anyways, little summary.. i will go back to my movie now and sleep.. tired as usual.

BTW, relationship wise, it still sucks. =D

Tired!

I'm tired. Tired of thinking about things, meaning that I'm tired physically and mentally. =D

Good combination.  I've been away for a long time, i've tried to keep myself quite busy and it seems i succeeded. I had a friend visiting for a few days and since 2 weeks ago i do something in every day of the week. It can be related to sports (running, gym, volleyball day),  and to some (interesting i must say) meetings with an organization (which i dont want to mention), also trying to study after the sport time and then finally on weekends i end up sleeping, going out and studying sometimes, but my ideal weekend is sleep more than 6 hours per night. =)

I dont want to think too much now, at least my mood is like that, so, i'll respect it. No deep thoughts, just doing it, being active. 

It might be related to the summer, which is coming soon. Now we have the spring here, the days are getting much longer (sun is rising at around 6:15 am and sunset is at around 8pm). I like it much better than winter, when we have only around 5 hours of daylight, and believe me, it can be really depressing. Even though it's spring, we still have some snow left, the weather now is not one of the best ones (it's kind of raining and snowing at the same time). 

I go to my friends' place tonight, we are going to cook, then put ourselves pretty (or maybe not) hehe and go out to dance. I feel like dancing... so does she. So, PAAAAARRRTy here we come. 

No deep thoughts today, nor tomorrow. Hopefully also not on the following weeks, it's ok like that, i think it's also part of the growing up. 

This post will be short and neat. No mourning, nothing. 

Enjoy the day and the week. I will do the same.

Greetings, 

E.

Crazy things....

I've had two very busy days (Monday and Tuesday) and i hope it continues like that along the week, the more i do the less i think. I've gone to work, started running again (after being sick), done some extra exercise, my friend came to cut my hair and i also dyed it (that on monday). Today i also went to work (well, everyday thing we have to do in order to have a place to sleep, food, and maybe if you're really good at saving, get some money for a nice holiday away from the snow - in my case.), then i went to my brother in law's mother's place. We talked a lot and decided to have an each one teach one. I teach her my language (she wants to learn it to talk to my mother - how sweet) and i HAVE to learn this damn language... Anyways.. 

Busy days, but i've seen two things that actually got my attention. I'll mention them in order of appearance.

1st - I read in the newspaper that an 11 year old kid killed his stepmother (or the dad's girlfriend) with a gun. I really came to the conclusion that we are animals. The only thing we could use to differ ouselves from other animals is that we are able to think.. hmmmm big mistake, we seem not to use our thinking in a rational way. Every day i believe it's very very very - and let me write another very to the sentence -hard to find good people in the world. I have no idea if the little kid had the intention of doing that or not, but he had his own gun (absurd!!!!). No words for this happening anymore... just   :O

2nd - Oscar 2009. OMG. Seriously, i adore movies and stuff like that.. I even have favourite movie stars, singers, etc.. but hey come on.. how superficial that thing is... 'Thank you' is the most used word in the entire night. AS IF, it was really important for that person to get an Oscar if not only for her/his own ego, what a great difference to the world, huh? Next year they will be all forgotten. How fake and useless that thing is. =( but i must say i enjoy watching it... but it makes me think that people may focus on really wrong things in their lives. I'm not saying that my focus is any better than theirs, but why the heck do you need to be told nice words about ourselves??? Why do you need it? Why do you feel sad, depressed, stupid and you have your self-esteem gone to the ground, just because some person who must be as insecure as you are (but they know how to hide it) control the way you feel?

Why do we care so much what other people think of us? We are all the same, same fears, same buttons to be pressed (sadness, happiness), same concerns.. Some people are really good at hiding these feelings, and then they have to put others down in order to feel better about themselves, because if they are able to make you feel bad.. heyyy, s/he's a winner.. s/he  can feel much better about him/herself now because you are feeling worse than him/her. That is one thing i've noticed. People who put others down, it's because inside themselves, they have such a small self-esteem, that they need to make  you feel so small, that he can be finally superior... 

Horrible! And it's even worse that WE let them do that to us.. how horrifying it is and how weak we can be.

I'm honestly caring less and less about what people say about me, especially in my position where i may be considered "different" from the others. I think each person should take care of his own life and stop "putting their nose" in other people's business.

Life would work so much better like that, but since things dont work in that way, i just try not to care about nasty comments, or behaviours of disapproval.... and why should i? what if i die tomorrow... ???? it'd be such a waste of time....

My goal is to reach 90% of not caring, i believe i'm now in (around) 70%... almost there but still a lot to do...  working in process always!!!

Greetings,

E.

First Post Ever!!! Why a blog!?!?!?!?

Well, for instance, the creation of this blog has (maybe) something to do with my state of mind at the moment.

I've been wondering lately the meaning of life. OK OK. it sounds very banal. I know. But i think this is what we all have been looking for... Or at least the ones who make some effort to understand our nature, why we act and think like we do, why we simply ignore some facts of what's going on around us...

I'd like to know and understand more about myself and my surrounding. I'd like to be more aware of things that happen around me. Maybe this blog helps, cause it's a way i can put everything "out" and still remember it the following day (by reading it again).

Oh well, life's a mystery, we're a mystery. I'm constantly trying to make myself a better person (sometimes i get bored and tired and just forget everything), I try to improve the way i think by learning new things and discussing with my friends about situations. I think it helps, but not sure if it helps enough. I know we have to enjoy our lives the more we can and with the resources we have, but sometimes i tend to forget these things and feel kind of depressed. (I definitely need more sun in my life :D)

I will try not to make it too dramatic. It's just understanding. I want to understand, because i know that if i understand i grow more mature.


So, why this blog???

I guess my answer was written. I don't expect people to read it... i just expect that by writing what i think (I'm definitely not good at writing), i might reach my goal of becoming a better human being....

Greetings to all...

E.